A toxic relationship does us harm mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually – we feel confused, full of self-doubt, drained, as if we were constantly walking on eggshells in order to please our partner, and whatever we do it never seems to be enough. Toxic Relationship Psychology examines the ways we get into these situations, and how we can extricate ourselves from them.
On our lifelong quest for love, we hope to find our soulmates or twin flames. We encounter many types of soul connections with people, but love relationships seem to have the most powerful effect on us, much more than all other connections. Unfortunately, not everyone we end up in a relationship with will be right for us, and not everyone will love us the way we would like to be loved. When we start fighting for that ideal without getting much in return, we often end up in a toxic relationship.
In fact these negative bonds can be formed not only between lovers, but with friends, family members, coworkers or anyone who plays an important role in our life. These relationships have a roller-coaster and codependency quality to them, which is characteristic of karmic bonds.
Karma as defined by Hinduism and Buddhism is the sum total of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence, insofar as it decides their fate in future existences. Karmic partnerships are past-life soul connections that aren’t supposed to last, but teach us valuable, although painful lessons we failed to learn in previous lifetimes. All those relationships that didn’t work out have a karmic aspect to them, which makes karmic relationships the most common type of relationships we will have, until we meet true soulmates. Karma can be good or bad; it is essentially unfinished business with someone that neither of you were not able to resolve or learn the lesson from of whatever it was, so you repeat it over and over again in the present life time until it clicks and you move on. The lessons we derive should lead us on the right path, as their destructive quality encourages us to stand up for ourselves, mature, get stronger and grow through pain.
Negative Karmic debts would be extremely toxic whereas Karmic debts that are about unresolved issues or things we need to realise in order to evolve will be difficult, but not necessarily destructive. Karmic relationships often involve an imbalance, where one of the partners constantly thinks only of themself, while the other caters to this need in the hope of finding satisfaction and true love. This can provide the springboard to a codependent or abusive relationship. So it will not come as a surprise that toxic relationships and Karmic relationships go hand in hand.
Any type of romantic entanglement, serious or not, naturally creates etheric cords, thus further complicating the dynamic if your connection is with a negative person. You may find yourself in a toxic emotional environment that drags you down instead of inspiring and lifting you up. Because of insecurity, fear and limiting beliefs we often hold on to what is not right for us, repeating negative patterns, justifying negative behaviours and unpleasant emotions and refusing to let go.
Twin flame relationships, on the other hand, go through phases, some more challenging than others. Sometimes one or both twin flames may suspect that their relationship is turning toxic, and this just results in taking their journey in a dangerous direction. In fact not many twin flame couples are strong enough to resist this pattern when it starts to unfold.
No matter what label you give a relationship, twin flame, karmic, soulmate or any other soul connection you can come up with, it’s not reason enough to hang on to someone when it is ruining your life.
You may be driven to deny your own happiness in your desperate attempts to make the relationship work. Perhaps it’s impossible to contemplate a life without your partner, but with enough time and distance you will probably realise that what you are involved in is essentially a toxic disaster. But there is no shame in admitting that! And immediate help is at hand. Holistic options for support such as private healing sessions with Graham Elkin as well as the opportunity to benefit from healing frequencies are available on this site to give you the grit and confidence to disconnect from an unhealthy friend or partner. Heartbreak Triage is here to offer you an effective and proactive guide to help you get through difficulties such as ending a toxic relationship, and grow stronger through your experiences.
What are the signs and the effects of a toxic relationship?
Some of the effects of toxic relationships are increased anxiety, mental confusion and dissociation, hopelessness, depression, insomnia and loss of identity. Such relationships destroy our self-worth, making us even more liable to manipulation. Here are some of the most common signs of a toxic relationship to look out for.
- There is no equality in terms of giving and taking. We give all our resources and our energy to the partner and get very little in return. Your partner’s needs always come before yours.
- We feel like we are on a constant emotional roller-coaster ride, experiencing brief periods of extreme highs and lows.
- There is no healthy communication. We get caught up in drama, silent treatments or guilt tripping. We desperately keep searching for ways how to fix a toxic relationship and we deal with our relationship problems alone.
- We feel trapped. It feels as if the current situation is an unchangeable reality.
- We are conditioned into thinking that everything we do must be carefully measured, because to deserve the love of our partner we feel pressured to please them first.
- Support and encouragement are one-sided, and while we offer unlimited support this never gets reciprocated.
- You are always the one to blame for everything. Toxic people have a habit of seizing power by twisting reality to accommodate them, and putting blame on others, especially if they are the ones who wronged you..
- Your happiness depends on them. You need their response, affection and care in order to feel good about yourself, attaching your personal value to their opinions and behaviours.
- You find yourself leaning more and more towards people pleasing, finding yourself accepting behaviour which you would never have normally accepted before.
- You are emotionally blackmailed and manipulated to the point that you question your sanity, your own feelings and thoughts.
If this is how we feel, why is ending toxic relationships and cutting etheric cords with such partners so difficult?
Etheric cords strengthen over time. This is why for those who are overpowered by a toxic individual, breaking free becomes harder as time goes by, causing them to lose sight of their own freedom. When a relationship becomes an obsession, when we so desperately want to make it work despite the toxicity we are surrounded by we might find ourselves becoming disillusioned , so much so that facing reality as it is would be devastating. Letting go would feel like death, and so we choose to hold on to toxic partners.
The more time and energy we give to such connections, the thicker the cord connecting us to the energy of our toxic partner gets. Initially we might find ourselves in a state of denial, but there will always be a voice in our heads telling us something isn’t right. We might know this partner is not good for us, but find it extremely difficult to break away from toxicity, especially if these are signs of a toxic relationship marriage or long term relationship.
What keeps us in a whirlpool of negative emotions is the longevity of the relationship, the time invested and most of all – the emotions we feel. Most toxic relationships don’t start out as toxic, but are based on mutual admiration and romantic feelings. Every etheric bond we make is initially created based on our positive perception of the other which is why negative traits tend to get overlooked – we can’t know the nature of their energy until we are exposed to it for a long period of time. Usually what keeps us hooked on this partnership are those positive memories of how it was when the bond was made, and we fail to realise that the person we once loved is not the same – the energy that inspired us no longer exists, as it existed only on the surface.
When this initial infatuation fades away, we start feeling negative vibrations, but we might be confused, justifying the other’s behaviour to fit our initial image of them..
Etheric cords between lovers tend to be particularly strong, but because of this infatuation and mutual adoration we are unable to see the other person clearly.
As the toxic relationship progresses, our defense mechanisms weaken, and we are more prone to being manipulated and deceived and our capabilities to set clear boundaries and defend ourselves get blurred. Although once the etheric cord gets strong it is very hard to cut – it is not impossible. It takes time and courage to leave a toxic relationship. Through healing, support, we can break unhealthy patterns that keep us stuck.
The actual toxic relationship meaning implies that the other person acts as a poison to our soul, leaving us feeling stuck, emotionally drained, hopeless or depressed – some soul connections are not just wrong for us, they may harm us deeply. Cutting these etheric cords is hard because it takes a lot of strength to rescue ourselves from the state we are in, and we are already on our last energetic reserve.
Getting rid of a toxic partner is incredibly tough but one of the main ways is to find a supportive group of friends and family or get the help of a trained professional such as a therapist, who can help you implement the definitive break with a no contact strategy. You can find energetic support to help you remove unwanted connections to the person you are trying to remove from your life by working with healers who can teach you techniques to protect and maintain your personal energy structure.
Tips on how to end a toxic relationship
Learn to Let Go
Putting an end to a toxic relationship will bring great pain because the toxic person and their partner are so deeply entwined. They won’t change. It won’t get better. We don’t have the power to improve the quality of a relationship on our own. We might get treated better for a week or two, but a toxic person can never change, especially not for us. Love isn’t enough, especially if it’s one-sided and if someone’s actions don’t match their words. If what you thought was love hurts, it is time to be kind to yourself and let go.
Let It All Out
It is ok to feel and it is ok to be vulnerable. We try so hard to be strong at all costs that we forget we are humans and it is ok to fall apart sometimes. Toxic partners teach us that our emotions are invalid, but they are not. There is alway a reason behind every emotion and if you feel like crying or screaming, go ahead and do it. Cry as long as you need to let all the pain, anger and hurt out. Don’t reject your emotions, don’t store them up – this is basic self-care.
Our Happiness in Is Our Hands
If someone treats you badly and takes away all the beautiful things in your life, it is time to acknowledge that you do deserve better. Know that the mere fact that you’ve put up with so much negativity for so long makes you a strong person. The relationship you cared so much about might be over, but endings are part of life and some endings are necessary in order for us to live the life we always imagined. When we decide to put an end to lies, manipulation and cheating, we choose happiness. When the wound is fresh, picturing happiness seems almost impossible, but as time passes, this ideal will not seem so unreal. Life without a toxic person will feel like a breath of fresh air and you must know that you can do this. The happiness you deserve is in your hands.
Establish Your Support System
You don’t have to go through this alone. Be brave enough to share how you feel with trusted people, who have always been there by your side, be it family members of friends. Find at least one trustworthy person that will get your back and support you during and after the breakup. You can find private relationship recovery sessions here that will aid you in your recovery process. You will work with someone who is caring and knows what you are going through and exactly what to do to help you, and there are also healing frequencies available, which can soothe all types of negative emotions.
Please sign up and take advantage of Heartbreak Triage’s FREE resources and guides to help you get through any difficult situation, especially when it comes to liberating yourself from toxic love and relationships.
For those seeking a more personalised relationship recovery experience, 1-on-1 coaching sessions with the creator of HT, Graham Elkin are effective and highly recommended. Graham uses a combination of his psychic abilities and mediumship to assess the situation, and proceeds with coaching and healing in sessions that are customised for your particular predicament.
Whatever you decide, we encourage you to choose your mental health and happiness over unhealthy connections with friends, family, and significant others.